A Hairy Situation

A few months ago I was freaking out over a few white hairs I found on my head.  I would proceed to pull them out as quickly as I could and complain about getting old.  Now, I would give anything for some white hairs...as long as they stay on my head!

Alopecia is one of the symptoms of lupus and a possible side-effect of the medications I'm taking.  I am constantly shedding hair and can visibly see the hair on my head thinning out.  I keep trying to part my hair differently to make it look not so thin and try to avoid touching my hair too much throughout the day to avoid upsetting some hairs that are on the verge of falling out.  Taking a shower is especially upsetting because after I shampoo my hair, my hands will be covered with hair and the drain will have a huge ball of hair in it.  When I wake up in the morning, there are literally a hundred hairs on my pillow.  I constantly see little pieces of my femininity scattered all over the floor...on my desk...in my food...everywhere!

I've never thought my hair was that important to me.  I would tell hairdressers to do whatever they wanted to it -- I always just thought, "it'll grow back".  But now with the possibility of me losing it all, I'm quite distraught about it.  I had a dream one night where my hair was coming out in clumps.  I was really upset, and it seemed like the worst part of having lupus.  Perhaps it's because it is the most visible physical change.  The joint pain, fatigue, nausea, etc. are for the most part invisible to others, but something like losing your hair is like telling the whole world, "I'm sick!"

I talked to Rhumey about it, and while he said that many patients -- especially women -- find this a difficult symptom to deal with, there really isn't much we can do about it.  There is a good chance that the hair will eventually grow back, but for now I just need to accept it.  Let's just hope it's not a case of "hair today...gone tomorrow..."

- a little lupie -